11:59 p.m. - 2007-08-21
Dear Journal

There again, as I thought to myself how long more will my patience run? Where¡¯s my determination? Or does it even worth any of my thoughts? I felt a little exhausted, I don¡¯t like beating around the bush for too long. Although I¡¯ve got an answer the last time but it seems impossible that the feelings were reciprocated. I though to myself, maybe it is just a passing feeling or merely a play or two. How can it be? It is so impossible for him to like me.

Yet he still ask me out, he told me he doesn¡¯t just go out with anyone at the very least he chooses them. I was thinking of letting this feeling go because it will not have an outcome. A good way to stop is to let me know he doesn¡¯t like me anymore, so I asked him again and he gave me hope again. The question was outright obvious, nothing more direct. This is something I practice if I want to ask certain question, I will try to make it as explicit as possible to cross out any misunderstanding.

Yet, honestly I was hoping he might reply ¡°Erm, I¡¯m so sorry i guess it was a passing feeling¡± etc at least I can tell myself I¡¯ve no more reason to like him (or I¡¯ve one more reason not to like him). On the other hand, of course I couldn¡¯t help it but smiled when he said he still like me. Alas, meeting the person at the wrong time. Playing a trick on me? It is either he treasures our friendship a lot or he just isn¡¯t ready yet because the old flame still burns. The time is not ripe.

As what I have believed, things are destined if the paths are meant to cross and bind. Of course preferably with some effort put in. If it was never meant to be, no matter how hard you have tried it might not be with u for long.

Like what my mom always says ¡°If it¡¯s yours it will be yours if it¡¯s not meant to be it won¡¯t be¡±. However, I still think whatever it is if you think it is worth it or your heart goes for it, just give it a try. After all, you wouldn¡¯t know the outcome if you never tried and it will be a real waste if a bright future was there waiting for you to explore but you never did because you are too timid.

It is never easy to move out of your comfort zone. But just try and reach out for it you will be surprised. I am glad to know about his feelings, just let it be then if it is meant to be someday it might bloom if it wasn¡¯t I will still treasure this little sub theme in life and I do hope we can keep this friendship.

Sometimes I thought to myself, what if there is no tomorrow? will the decision and answers be different? may it be short lived but at least it existed. Maybe that's why some people said "Live like there is no tomorrow." Then again many things might be done on impluse but there wouldn't be much time for you to regret because there is no tomorrow.

Courage is the greatest of all virtues, because if you haven't courage, you may not have an opportunity to use any of the others. ¨CSamuel Johnson

What Your Pizza Reveals

Your appetite is pretty average. You don't go overboard - but you don't deprive yourself either. You consider pizza to be bread... very good bread. You fit in best in the Midwest part of the US. Your taste is rather complex and sophisticated. You consider yourself a gourmet - and a bit of a snob. You are eclectic, stylish, and totally random with your choices. You are cultured and intellectual. You should consider traveling to Vienna. The stereotype that best fits you is emo. You think you're special... and you kind of are.

It's not what is happening to you now,
or what has happened in your past,
that determines who you become.
Rather, it's your decisions about
what you focus on, what things mean to you,
and what you are going to do about them,
that will determine your ultimate destiny.

-Anthony Robbins