10:03 a.m. - 2007-11-18
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Note before reading, this are simply my thoughts don't take anything to heart. I think I will feel better after writing this out in a diary

.Feeling rather tired slept late last night. My slow reaction, it only sank into my sponge head this morning. Haha

Leopards will never be able to change its spots. Shall we agree it applies for me as well? I didn't know it was all taken to heart. Many incidents many actions it angered you greatly. It all bottled up but I hope after telling me, you will feel better and move on in life. I guess it is a burden to carry many worries and unhappy thoughts in life.

I am sorry for being stingy and not thoughtful enough. For being so greedy and accepting so much. It was only after I earn some salary during my post O level vacation that I became more "well off" I start to pamper myself slightly more than I were in secondary.

Maybe because of my parents influence, I was taught to be thrifty (maybe in my case I am way too stingy) never to spend what you have not earned was what they will constantly remind me. ˇ°Have not earn any money and you spend so much, I can imagine a potential bai jia zhi, we earn money so hard and you are spending it.ˇ± Be it Influence or not. I should not take this as an excuse.

At times I do feel unfair and fustrated why is am i not born to a richer family? why do i only get $2per day. Life is never fair and I am glad that the feeling wears off as soon as it appeared.

Sometimes I wish I were born into a more well to do family. Maybe I will dare to dream for the greater. Maybe I will be more generous with my close ones and be less calculative. I have to face it, my gross family income is only around eight hundred dollars. We are tapping into my dad's savings and cpf. I don't know how long it's going to last. Hopefully I can get into Uni and after which the family is on me. Will I become a slave of money? Luckily it's a small family. Digression, back to topic.

Maybe our principles are different in some ways but everyone has their principles. If being together only brings saddness and fustrations, I would rather we be happy. Is your expectation too high or was it my quality too low? If I remould myself for a particular something or someone am I still myself? Accept me for who I am, if you can't, don't force yourself. =)

Gifts are a token of love, care and appreciation? Should be given wholeheartedly without hoping for much in return? Though I do hope for something in return but not something that is of equivalent value, size, type. I can feel it if much effort and sincerity was put in, may it be big or small. If i had more money i would be more generous too. If all these brings so much troubles, just a simple wishing from the heart will do. Really =)

Don't force yourself to tolerate too much it is not good to accumulate. I think I understand why some said forgive & forget exists as an entity because one can truly feel better after forgiving and Forgetting all of it.Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled…old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget. By remembering it, it will bring back unhappiness?

I am glad that you have been honest with me. I hope you will feel better after telling me everything. =) really.I don't seek for anything. Unwinding all the grudges you held for such a long time. Do not hold things too hard, it will feel better.

It's not what is happening to you now,
or what has happened in your past,
that determines who you become.
Rather, it's your decisions about
what you focus on, what things mean to you,
and what you are going to do about them,
that will determine your ultimate destiny.

-Anthony Robbins